


No Regrets

by Mandergee



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Just minor spoilers, SUCH FLUFF, Spoilers for 18x15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 07:58:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10552834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mandergee/pseuds/Mandergee
Summary: After the events of 18x15 we're left wondering what lies in the future...and what decisions some characters have always wanted to make, but never have.This is that story (*dun dun*)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [barsonaddict](https://archiveofourown.org/users/barsonaddict/gifts).



               She hadn’t expected it, the quiet tap-tap-tap on her door at 10pm, her pantsuit long ago shed in favor of an oversized NYPD sweatshirt and the plaid pajama bottoms she favored. But there it was, the constant and rhythmic tapping that was enough for her to press her eye against the judas hole and see Rafael Barba standing in the hallway.

              “You could have called.” She had the chain and slide undone in seconds, opening the door to let him shuffle his way past, inhaling the faint scent of bourbon and cigars. Wondering when he’d started smoking cigars as he collapsed onto the sofa, and realizing in the moment that she didn’t really care. “Rafael. What’s wrong?”

              “I’ve been suspended.” The words were subdued, mumbled into the collar of his shirt as he undid the first button, a curl of hair peering out from beneath pale pink stripes, and when he raised his head his eyes were dull, deadened with emotion. It was when he grandmother died, when they’d had drinks at Finnegans that she’d last seen that look, and as Olivia moved toward him she knew the meeting had left him with much more than a reprimand- but a mixture of feelings she was all too familiar with. “Three months. Could have been longer- but my closure rate, my history…it all stands for me, even if what I did back then holds me down.”

               “Not everything we do defines us.”

               “No.” He chuckled, sighed, stared at a half assembled puzzle on the coffee table before reaching out to absently fondle an unconnected piece. “Noah’s work?”

               “Yeah.”

               “He’s growing up so fast.”

               “He is. Nursery school is closer than I’d like. I can’t imagine my days without him.” Her eyes drifted toward the closed door to her son’s bedroom and when she turned back it was Barba who was looking at _her_ , something new in his eyes that hadn’t been there when she’d let him into her apartment.

               “I know the feeling.” He sobered a bit more, tossed the piece of the puzzle back into the chaos spread out before them. “And if anything, one good thing came out of this that I’ve been wanting for a long, long time, Liv.”

               “What’s that?” Their knees brushed as she sat, and she didn’t move away, didn’t even try. She didn’t _want_ to, she thought, and it was a thought that both did and didn’t surprise her. “Rafael?”

               “I said it before, Olivia- not everything done in the dark is shameful. And if I can’t be the ADA for SVU I want to be something else that I’ve always wanted to be. _For_ someone else.” He lifted his hand to her face, smiled. “I wanted to do this outside of the courthouse. _I wanted it so badly, Olivia._ ”

               “Then what are you waiting for?” His kiss was soft and gentle, tasting of bourbon and _Barba_ \- as the smell of his aftershave filled her nostrils and the feel of his hand on the back of her neck came together to make her feel at home. Like it had always been, or always should have been, and she let herself get lost in it.

               “What happens now?” He pulled away too soon and it was her turn to smile, reaching out to brush a wayward shock of hair from his forehead. He never looked disheveled, and somehow she found it comforting to know that he could. That it could be because of her, and the start of something new.

               “Whatever we want to happen. Neither one of us knows where three months will take us, so we make the most of what we have.” Her head fit easily into the crook of his shoulder and she felt his arm settle behind it, let his breathing calm her, his heartbeat steady in her ear. “We don’t have to decide right now, and right now all _I_ want to do is sit here. With you.”

               “There’s nothing I want more.” When her breathing slowed and she slept he reached for the afghan closest to him, drawing it over her and allowing himself to stop fighting the exhaustion. For the moment, for _now_ , he’d done what he’d wanted to do for so long, and like so many decisions made recently…he had no regrets.


End file.
